This month is Aubrey's due date. I should be 37 weeks pregnant right now. Instead, I dust my daughters urn. This time last year, Jon and I were still trying to conceive her. We were unsure that we would ever have a child of our own together.
I have been dreaming about her here lately and it does make me really happy. People have asked me if I would do it all over again.. YES I would. Meeting the sweet baby that I carried inside of me for that short 20 weeks was the best thing that I had ever done. When we were told Aubrey had Anencephaly, we were scared! My doctor tried to push abortion on us but it was not an option for me. There is NO reason to terminate a pregnancy because of a birth defect she could not help happened to her.
Everyone's decisions are different..you do not know what you would do unless it happened to you personally. If this birth defect happened again, yes.. I would carry as long as I could. This experience has made me have a totally new outlook on life! Losing a child is traumatic. I cannot get control of my emotions some days, and some days I am just fine. I find myself crying over the dumbest things and when I am having a bad day, all the pregnant women in the world seem to be around me or newborns in public.
The point about that is, I overcome it. I come home and I cry, or I cry in bed and then it is a new day.
My husband helps me a ton. He comforts me and holds me. There are days that he cries with me. I love him so much. It has been proven that 80% of marriages fail after the loss of a child. I am SO happy that we are one of the 20% that have made it! We do have our bad days, I will not lie..but all couples do have their bad days.. If you tell me you don't, you are a liar. No ones relationship is perfect. Please keep me in your thoughts on August 24th. Thank you for reading!
I will be thinking about you and I will pray that God will give you the comfort that only he can give. It is hard to understand why things happen they way they do sometimes. Stay strong. You are so right about marriage, it is not an easy thing every day that is for sure.
ReplyDeleteI will never forget holding sweet Aubrey in my arms, watching you and Jon hold her, and those long hours of waiting while you were in labor. I have never felt so helpless in all my life.
ReplyDeleteYou are so right - no one knows what they would do until they have to make a decision like you and Jon had to make. I'm so proud of you both. We will never forget Aubrey and each day, we send hugs and love to our angel grand daughter. We will also do it on August 24th.
Hugs and love to you and Jon.
You sound like you have a very special angel that watches over you now.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss,
trisha
Praying for you now and then!! Having lost six babies myself, your sentence about all the pregnant women in the world really resonated with me. I understand that feeling only too well.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss. I can't say I know how you feel because I don't. I didn't lose my child before birth. I lost my child after having her in my life 27 years. People will tell you to move on, but you can't or won't. I know, I still can't after 10 weeks today. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteI am sending you my heartfelt prayers and love to help you. You do have a special angel. She had VERY special parents. Bless you.
ReplyDeleteI'm so very sorry for your loss.
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